Wednesday 22 August 2012

" You can't say that!"... (baby 4+5)

" What's her name?" Bounced Sarah, her eyes wide and beautiful. Staring lovingly at her new baby sister.

" Poppy" I told her as she skipped around the room. Her smile just kept getting bigger, I knew that she was excited about finally getting a baby sister.

" Can I hold her?" She beamed, giving me the cutest look possible. I thought about it, for just a moment.

" Yes, you may Sarah, but you must sit on the sofa." She smiled and ran to the sofa, jumping onto it, then making herself comfortable. I placed young Poppy on Sarah's lap. And Sarah stared adoringly at her as she whispered into her ear ' I will be the best-ist sister ever I pwomise' Giving her a kiss on the head as she did so.
The computer blasted out a loud ringing. I had a call incoming. I left Poppy safe in the hands of her sister. Poppy played with Sarah's long blonde hair, staring with big blue eyes into hers.
I sat at my desk and answered the call. It was Skye.

" Well hello!" Skye shouted down the mic.

" Hi" I replied, slightly dazed.

" So, how's the child? Is it a girl or a boy?" She grinned.

" It's a gorgeous little girl, and her name is Poppy"

" What a nice name. So, how's the rest of the children? It's their birth-days soon, as I understand"

" Yes, as much as I want to see them grow up, I just can't bring myself to age them up. But I must, no matter how cute they are"

Skye and I had been talking for a while, the door bell the only thing interrupting us. I stood up and closed my lap-top.

" MUM!" I heard Sarah shout " THE BABY POOPED!" I rolled my eyes but continued towards the door

" Be right there!" I shouted. I stopped at the door and opened it. Behind it were two people, a man and a woman. They looked foreign, Chinese, maybe Japanese. They looked at me hopefully, then opened their mouths. The lady spoke first.

"H-hello" She said in a slight accent. " My name is Mei," She gestured to the man next to her " And this is my brother Lee" The man called Lee smiled adorably and waved. " We moved in, just across the road actually, and we thought that it would be nice to meet our new neighbors, that is, if you don't mind" I gestured they entered and in stepped Mei, followed by Lee. They both looked around, seemingly fascinated by their surroundings.

" Well hello, Mei and Lee.." I chirped, " My name is Electra, and these are my children" I looked around, realizing they weren't with me I smiled pathetically.

I shouted at the household " Kids! Come here! We have visitors. Sarah appeared first, Poppy in hand. Sarah smiled and didn't say anything, she wasn't the type to do so, she rarely spoke to new people. Fletcher was still missing, and I was about to call his name again, when I heard thumping, he then materialized at the bottom of the stairs. He giggled then stumbled towards me. He reached my feet then looked up at me and lifted his arms and simply said "up" I grabbed him and swung him onto my hip. Mei walked towards Fletcher and turned her voice a funny tone

" Oh hello! What is your name little one?" She rubbed his chin with her tiny fingers and my little boy giggled then said
" Fwetcher" Mei cooed over the adorableness of my son, and Lee stood still grinning like a lost child. Poppy made the strangest of noises which turned every bodies attention to her. Sarah looked from me to Poppy from Poppy to me, before finally saying:
" I think she's tired" I looked at her, and had no doubt she was right, so I showed my new friends to the living room then took Poppy to her cot. Fletcher also yawned and I was sure to induce his sleep, he drifted off almost straight away. And my little angel Sarah put herself to bed, stroking the poster of her idle as she slipped into her sleep. Sarah seemed to always be in one phase or another, always astonishing me how well she knew everything about every detail, her current phase was Loki the Norse god, no doubt next week it will be Harry Potter or Iron man, but I didn't mind, she was doing well at school and had a close bunch of friends. That's all that mattered. I blinked away my tiredness. Well at least I tried. I knew what to do, put my sleeping cloths on, rest my eyes, that's right, great idea.
I collapsed on my bed, closing my eyes...
" OH CRAP!" I shouted as I leaped up " My guests!" I ran downstairs, to see my friends still sat where I put them. Mei was looking around, I could tell she was bored. My sight drifted towards Lee, who was sound asleep, mouth open and snoring I giggled and Mei turned her attention to me. She nudged her brother who also turned his gaze on me. Their eyes turned wide, and I remembered I was wearing my sleep stuff, which is, basically my underwear. Mei was polite so she only looked at my face, being sure to look nowhere else, Lee however seemed glued to my body. Mei kicked him in the leg and he yelped then looked at my face.

" Sorry I took so long, I drifted off" I tried

" It's OK" Mei said, she was so polite, gentle, and even though I barely knew her I trusted her. Mei was the only thing that broke the silence " so, you are a challenge mother so I hear?" She conversed.

" Err, yeh... why?" I was so glad she spoke.

" Just curious" She simply said. Her brother seemed to perk-up, I was probably just imagining it. Mei raised, followed shortly by her brother Lee. " We have to go" Mei said graciously " Thank you, you have been a good host"

" Bye..." I managed as they left the room. Mei and Lee reached the front door. Mei smiled and led the way, and Lee was just past the door frame, his back turned. What the hell....
I grabbed his shoulder pulling him back and spinning him around, our lips met and I pressed mine into his hard. He flailed and fidgeted but never pulled away. Mei stood back, amazed. Our kiss (or rather a snog) lasted for a very long time.

" I'll just be leaving..." Mei said, she failed to get a reaction as Lee and I stumbled into the living room, our lips still firmly attached. I began to unbutton his shirt, uncovering a muscled body. I gasped as we fell onto the couch.

                                       **********************

The next morning I felt amazing, I made waffles for the family and my guest. He was still asleep, at least he was until

" MUM! WHO IS THE STRANGE GUY WITH NO CLOTHES ON!?"

I cringed, then shouted back " Just ignore him!" Was all I could think to say. Lee walked in rubbing his reddish eyes. He was wearing bright red pants, skin tight and hot.

" What's cookin'?" He yawned. Almost tripping over Fletcher, he sat at the table. Sarah walked in, not even glancing at Lee. She sniffed inward, taking in the smell of waffles. She turned her attention to Poppy who was in her baby seat, making enough mess to make a maid scream.

" Breakfast is served" I said in my best french accent. I placed the plates of food onto the table, I gestured them to eat and they did so straight away. I sat down with my food, eating it slowly. As I scraped the remains of my waffles off of my plate my stomach lurched. I ran to the bath room, narrowly missing Lee who was returning for left-overs. Well, at least it wasn't the waffles making me sick.
Long after Lee had gone home, I changed into my maternity clothes. And when I told Sarah the good news she hopped from one foot to another, singing and dancing with excitement. As she did so I noticed her toes poke out of the end of her trainers. ( Sorry about this, I can imagine you have better things to do with your life than read about some other woman's child's feet)

" We're going shopping" I announced a little too dramatically. It didn't have the desired effect, Sarah groaned and went to grab her coat, Fletcher wobbling toward me, and Poppy staring in bewilderment at her mother. Perfect.
The taxi arrived outside, an hour late, but it arrived none the less. Poppy, Fletcher, Sarah and I all clambered into the back seats. I commanded that the driver drives, he then refused to do so until I asked in a more polite manner. I reluctantly did so and we were off! We arrived in town and we all got out, I was sure to pay the driver and forget the tip. It wasn't long before a lot of people materialized. Some nodded and said hello, others even stopped to ask how the challenge was going. I enjoyed being noticed, Sarah on the other hand didn't. She threatened to 'smite' a lady who decided to coo over her and call her cute. The lady rushed away within a second or so. Then a night-mare on legs appeared.
I hated Unice, she was annoying. She seemed to think that everybody in the world was inferior to her, and that she was amazing and the only person in the world that meant something. As she got closer her smile got wider. This scared me. It scared me a lot.

" Well hey there El-!" She bellowed

I shook my head " Don't.. Call me that"

" Oh OK, so I heard you was doing a challenge" Typical she notices me just as I begin to get famous

" Err, yes, yes I am" I sighed

" I could have been a challenge mother ya' know, yeh, I got talent spotted, got told I had the looks and of course the brains to be a mother, I turned them down, I had better things to do... True story" She said flinging her hips She looked at me and gave me 'the look'

" Interesting..." I said sarcastically, she looked back at me and her eyes widened.

" You are pregnant right now aren't you?" She said with false enthusiasm.

" Yes!" I mocked excitement

" Oh really when is it due?" She asked " I hope it looks like it's dad!" She said cockily.

" And why should I get all of the attention!?" I copied her voice " You have a bun in the oven too!" I laughed and she frowned, she then wobbled away. I win I thought in content.

" You can't say that!" Sarah shouted at me

" She started it..." I tried to justify it.
Sarah shook her head and we went home. Later on it was time to age the kids up...

Sarah made the most beautiful of teens, still in her phase- phase as always. She was excelling at school and kept being selected for the honor role. I am so proud of her

Fletcher made a ravishing child, he fussed a lot over his hair and appearance. He made his school Football team, and was very popular

Poppy aged up so very pretty, her red hair inherited from the father, who was part strawberry. She is a cheeky little girl, but a fast learner.

As for my bump- it just keeps getting bigger and bigger.

Saturday 18 August 2012

A colourful visit... (baby 3)

" PUSH!" She shouted " JUST PUUUUUSSSHHHH!" she came again.

" I- Am- Push-Ing" I growled painfully

" Just... Take deep breaths! That's right, breathing... Breathing is good, always breathe" Debbie gasped. I glared at her, if I wasn't in labour I would feed her the cat, then demand that she regurgitate it. Then report her to the police for animal cruelty.

" Just SHUT UP!" I yelled with the last of my energy " I have done this before!" I shouted at her as she breathed in and out of the paper bag that she had originally intended for me. " That's... my paper bag... Why are you using my paper bag?... It's mine"

She looked down at the full bag in her hand " That's yours isn't it..." She shifted " s-s-sorry Electra, I didn't realize" She didn't look at me. But I am pretty sure she could feel my evils through her skull.

" You just wait, when you go to sleep I will-" a burst of pain silenced me. It was time.

                            *************************

" What are you going to call him?" Asked Debbie

" Fletcher and I are not talking to you" I turned away

" Fletcher..." She rolled the name around in her mouth. I don't think she took the hint

" It's OK Fletcher, you will understand when you get older. We are not speaking to her. She stole my paper bag" I whispered into his ear. I looked at Debbie again, she stared back expectantly " Fletcher says that We will have a magnificent garden party, and you are not invited" She looked at my child, and as my heir would: He stuck his tongue out at her

" Definitely yours" Debbie never took her eyes from Fletcher.

The door bell rang.
I wondered dreamily to it. I went to grab the handle, however before I could turn it, it did it itself. Magic was my first thought. But no, instead of Merlin the wizard, a rather more interesting person emerged.

" Well hey there Electra!" She shouted in my face " Look at you! Look at your house! Is that your child? I want a cookie, can I have a cookie? Cookies are good, almost as good as grass, like grass me. Where do you stand on grass? I mean obviously you stand on grass, but that's not what I mean..." She barged past me

" H-" I tried to get a word in

" Nice kitchen!" She bellowed from there " I have a kitchen, well my parents have a kitchen, well that is obvious, everybody has a kitchen!... At least I think they do... hopefully."

" Loren?" I tried to get a word in as she drifted through the kitchen, pulling out various items from my cupboards " Why are you here?"

" Want to come to mine?" She asked out of the blue " Well.. I say mine, it's a friends, but it's OK I practically live there anyway"

" We-" She pulled me by the arm out of the door and into a taxi. She worked fast.

We arrived at a quiet place, outside of the city. An ordinary looking village. Next to a supermarket, the best type. Loren grabbed my arm and once again, dragging me to a door. Next to it a number 9.

" Do you like the number nine?" Rushed Loren " I like the number nine, but then again. I would, I do live here after all. Well kinda, Get off my back I am allowed her OK!?" We went inside, Loren still had me by the arm. We came to a door.

" Welcome to the bedroom!" Loren bounced

" Is it your bedroom?" I asked curiously

" Would you believe me if I said yes?" She laughed. And if I am honest, I wouldn't and therefore I didn't. I had met her many years ago, she followed me home, claiming that a caravan with wings was telling her to do so. She was odd. And anybody that odd, was not pretending. Strange child.

" Come in!" She shouted at me, she had moved from my side, into the bedroom. It was filthy. She sat on the bed at the over side of the room.

" Is that your computer?" I asked as she typed away, humming an un-translatable song.

" Errr... No, but she won't mind... Too much" She fidgeted.

" So, Loren... Would you care to tell me, exactly who this house belongs too?" I heard the door swing open and the sound of voices

" Why don't you ask her yourself?" She grinned. The door to the bedroom swung open and in walked a girl, a girl the same age as Loren, or appeared to be anyway. She didn't look all that dissimilar to Loren, except her hair colour.

" Loren..." The girl began " What are you doing on my computer? Are you pretending to be me on Facebook again?" Her face changed " I will gag you... And who is this!?"

" Oh that..." She stuttered " Is Electra, she is a friend, it's OK Sarah"

" You don't have any friends Loren" Sarah said to her " Other than me, and mind Loki. Forget that actually mind Loki said you look like a baboon" She looked at me " If she is holding you prisoner, just run, I will fend her off" I didn't move. In all the commotion I didn't notice the two people to follow Sarah in. Loren did.

" Who are the colourful peeps!?" Loren leaped up and ran towards the visitors, looking excitedly at them.

" The blue one is Skye... Skye isn't it?" She looked at the one she called Skye " And the orange one is Paisley" She waved at Loren, then at me.

" Why are they here?" I asked

" We needed to use the toilette" Paisley said in an American accent. I like Americans, they made jerky, and so that makes them cool, like jerky.

Paisley was the first to approach me. She took my hand and simply said " Paisley, Paisley Parker, pleased to meet you Electra..."

" Danton, Electra Danton" I replied

" Pleased to meet you Electra Danton- Cool hair by the way"

" Thanks" Was all I could say before Skye approached me. She looked at me then tilted her head

" Lecci" She said, still in deep thought " I am gonna call you Lecci" She smiled at me " I also agree with Pais- you do have cool hair" I beamed back at her. I know where I had seen her!

" You are THE Skye and Paisley! The challenge mothers!" I practically bounced up and down with excitement.

" The one-" Said Skye
" And only" continued Paisley

" Cool!" I shouted, I instantly regretted it, I could think of far better things to say

" Hey, say Lecci..." Started Skye " Want to come out for a drink? At a bar..."

" I don't really drink" I moped.

Paisley patted me on the back " You will When she is finished with you" Grinned Paisley

We had gotten ready by 8:00 pm. I was wearing a pair of shorts, with a pretty top, Paisley was wearing a pretty orange t-shirt ans Skye, was looking magnificent in a pretty dress. We begun the night sober. Something that Paisley warned, would not last for long.

A few drinks later Skye and I were really hitting it off. The night is very vague, and therefor it is a little abstract, here are the 'out-takes' of the night

My speech had become slurred " Hey Shkye- Ma nexsht kiddie shall be called Carrot, becush, Carrot ish a nish fruit, sho the kid would be nish too am I right?"

Skye wobbled her finger drunkly " Your logic is amazing peasant" She placed her hand on her hips " I am burdened with great destiny"

" That's right Skye, you are the great god Loki" Shifted Paisley " Now isn't it time to go home? You have had quite enough to drink"

" I think that she has had more..." Skye pointed at the unconscious me on the floor

I awoke in the arms of Paisley, alongside Skye who was singing the complete album to Phantom of the opera. I threw up on Paisley's shoes. I would usually apologize for this, but crazy-alcohol has running things so is laughed " Look! Now your shoes are the same colour as your hair!" I once again passed-out. For good this time.

                                           ****************

I was awakened by an all too healthy Skye. As I opened my eyes, my head began to pound

" Want pan-cakes?" She shouted.

" My head hurts" I complained

" Oh, sorry. Want pan-cakes?" She whispered

" How are you walking around? You had more to drink than I did" I moaned

" Just practice I guess, but do you want pan-cakes?"

" Sure" I replied

I stumbled down-stairs. And the smell of fresh pan-cakes hit me. I breathed in the scent, savoring it. The pan-cakes were quickly devoured and Skye began speaking

" Well Pais and I will be leaving soon, you know babies to have and such"

I didn't want them to go, and I still had to know what happened last night.

" Yo want to know what happened last night don't you?" Skye said. I was amazed, she had read my mind o.O " Well we went to see Phantom in the theater then we went to the bar, we then took Paisley to a sweet shop- just to watch her head explode. Then you passed out" I never knew what could happen when I was drunk. Now I do.

Then I had an idea " Skye?"

"Yes?"

" Can I come with you?"

" Come with me where?"

" To America!"

Skye froze " Why do you want to come to the States?"

" Come on Skye? Have you ever heard of an English challenge mother- that is still in England?"

"Well there is- There's- that girl who-, nah, I am lost. Sure Lecci"

" That was quick" I thought she would need more than just that

" You will keep our journey interesting." I was so happy, a new life. In the states.

                                        **********************

"Come on Sarah!" I shouted to her up the stairs " The flight leaves in an hour!"

I tossed Fletcher in the air and he giggled with glee. I looked around the house that I had lived in for so little time. I would not miss it. My stomach lurched, something was not right, Sarah came bounding down the stairs, suit-case in hand. She had aged up so beautifully.

The flight was crowded, and Skye was singing out loud. Every word clear, Masquerade! Was the loudest, it turned a few heads. My stomach Hurt so bad.

" You OK?" Asked Skye

" Just a bit of a stomach ache" I replied

" Your pregnant" She said calmly. WHAT!?

I managed to keep my voice quiet " What do you mean I am pregnant?"

" I forgot to tell you, you got laid last night, by a strawberry, well not a strawberry as such, but he looked like one" That's when the realization hit me

" Oh my goodness! Where am I going to live!?" I panicked

Skye tossed me a key " All sorted, you have a nice little house, big enough to raise a family, not too far from mine, but far enough that you won't bother me"

"........oh" Was all I could manage

The house was perfect. All that I had ever wanted was right here, in the USA. My bump was really starting to show. And I had everything that I could possibly dream of.

Monday 6 August 2012

The agent, the child and the flying pig (baby 2)

Before I start on my next post I would first like to apologize for the all-round bad quality of my last post. I promise I will improve it either when I have the time, or the mere motivation to do so. And with that, welcome to post #2


I awoke to a high-pitched squealing. It sounded like a constipated cat I thought, I giggled at my humorous comparison. I spun on my bed, so that my feet were directly above my fluffy slippers. Waiting for only a moment to re-orient myself. I slipped my feet into them.
"I'm coming!" I shouted at Sarah. Now that I write it down, it seems a little odd, what did I think she was going to say? 'oh that's fine mother, jolly good show'? She is just a baby after all.
I must have stood too quickly as I found myself grabbing onto some draws for balance. I stumbled sleepily into the hall, stopping only to sneeze.
I came to a halt outside of the epicenter of the noise. I slowly opened the door, not knowing what horror may fall before me. The child was on laid her back, screaming like a neutered kitten. Her mouth a perfect circle. And like a true mother... I didn't have a clue what was wrong with her.
I picked her up, she felt soft in my arms. I don't know why, but I felt so happy, it felt as if she belonged there. This I thought, is what being a mother is.
She once again let out a weak cry.
" Do you want food?" I asked hopefully, as if she'd answer " Are you bored?" I tried " Oh, god... You pooped didn't you" I winced, knowing that I would soon regret doing this. I lifted the child above my head, and placed my nose within proximity to her smell hole. I gagged, and had a fit of coughing, I panicked fighting to breath. I cringed then shook my head to re-focus, on the task in hand. Bugger.
What seemed like a life time later, it was finished. Thank the lord. I sat for a while, admiring my excellent taste in nappies. It had a pig on it. But not any old pig, no sir, it was a blue pig. I know right!? cool or what!?
THUD THUD THUD!
Came the noise of the door.
" Damn it," I muttered I had forgotten about the social workers visit. I glanced over at Sarah in her crib, my sleeping angel.
"I'm coming!" I yelled at the closed door. I had to make disposal of the nappy. I ran to the kitchen, to the bin, it was full. I cursed to myself. "What am I supposed to do with this!?" I pondered, holding it away from my face as if it was a weapon. I was ignorant of anywhere else I could put it. This led to an idea. The window. I rushed to the window, sliding it oped a foot or so, I flung it out. I watched as it fell 11 floors, the blue pig, spinning. Flying.
I ran back to the door to the apartment. Just in time to stop the social worker from knocking that one more time.
" Hello miss Danton" She said, painting a fake smile on her face. She stepped in, un invited. And when she turned her back I was sure to stick my tongue out at her. Her face scrunched up like a dogs bottom she sighed
" How long are you planning on staying here? Only a cheap hotel is not a good children environment"
" We are looking around..." I said as a drifted through the room picking up laundry and clearing space "...you know to find that right place"
She wrote something down on her clip board, I couldn't see.
"Tea?" I asked
" Coffee" She replied... I felt like saying ' I said tea, that meant tea!' Despite my view I went to the kitchen to make her the awkward beverage.
I didn't see the banana skin on the floor, nor did I see the door frame. I tripped over the door frame, trying helplessly to regain balance. To then only step onto the banana skin and slip, this time uselessly, well at least I blacked out with style...

________________________________

I wake up in a hospital. I open my eyes quickly and I am forced to shut them again, because the light was so bright. Allowing my eyes time to adjust I re-opened them. This time the light was more bearable. The silence was broken by the noise of a swinging door and the swift entrance of a doctor, shortly followed by the social worker. Her red hair drifting behind her.
" You had quite the fall miss Danton" The social worker conversed as the doctor prodded me with anything he could find in the room. That's when the realization hit me.
" Where's Sarah?" I panicked.
" Don't worry miss-"
" Call me Electra!" I shouted in her face. I felt rather guilty afterwards, remembering that I had yet to brush my teeth.
" That is fine m- Electra" She continued " Sarah is safe in the hands of my colleagues" She assured me. She looked at her clip board. I was really beginning to dislike that clip board. By this time the doctor was standing at a distance poking me with what appeared to be a TV aerial. Once again the social worker peered down at her clip-board, then looking back up at me, to then return her gaze at the board
" Electra Danton..." She began to say just in time. I hate it when people use my full name, it usually meant that I had done something wrong, or somebody was going to give me a lecture on how spitting in people's drinks or that cats were not invented to dye pink. " This is quite impressive" She interrupted my thoughts.
" What's impressive?" I asked, now fairly curious.
" These tests show an extreme fertility rate" She continued. Why was she telling me this? " Have you ever considered becoming a challenge mother?"
" I- me? you think that I could be a challenge mother?" I was seriously surprised by her proposal.
" Yes, obviously you wouldn't be alone, you will have me, and of course other challenge mothers behind you. You should also get an agent"
" An agent!? I can't afford a packet of humbugs, never mind an agent... or even a house!"
" Well..." She said as she flicked a piece of invisible dust off of her collar " Iv'e had some experience in the field, and well, with me as your agent your sponsor would fund your house-hold" This was all going so fast, I didn't actually know what was happening, did this mean I was hired? Was I now some sort of celebrity? My train of thought was interrupted once again by the doctor now prodding me with the end of a plant-pot.
" I'll see you later to organize housing arrangements, in the mean time, get busy" She shot me a wink, then skipped out of the room. It took me a while to realize what she was implying but when the doctor disturbed me with a coat hanger, I soon realized. He was fairly cute, nice green hair, pretty brown eyes. What the heck!.

The now rather shaken up doctor was stumbling out of the room just as the social worker- well I guess I should probably start calling her Debbie- was entering.
" Are you ready?" She asked me, as she offered me a hand out of the hospital bed.
" As ever" I replied, still rather startled by this sudden movement in life. She showed me to her car, it was a black-jag, it was shiny, and I have to say, I didn't mind being recognized in this car. The car pulled up just a few miles away from the hospital. And as I peered through the blackened windows, I saw my new home.
I stepped out of the jag and stared in amazement at my house. So many sights! I ran around getting exited about everything...
" Is that my car!?" I shouted at Debbie as I stocked my new convertible " It's red! oh my! Is that a pool!? I have always wanted a pool! And oh.. You didn't..." My eyes went wide as I gazed at Debbie " Is that a curly tree!?" She nodded and smiled " I really like that curly tree"
" We haven't been inside yet Electra" Debbie tried to get through to me
" Yes, yes, inside, like a normal person... inside" Inside was just as nice, perfect for raising a family. A large family, a family of 100, MY family of 100!


Sorry about the bad quality of pictures and writing and my terrible sense of humor. 
I would like to say one last thank you to my bast friend, without whom this challenge would not be...      (I named the child after you by the way)


Any comments would be appreciated, even bad ones. But that does not give you permission to throw things or give my computer a virus, just.... behave...